Slowly by Slowly should go to press this week!

I'm excited! The book has finally gone to press and I should have a final copy within a month. Hopefully by August it will be available on Amazon and others.
So much work for 108 pages!

A little humor for a Friday -- Airline Mechanics

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minuteDescent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

the best one for last
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midgetpounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Thanks to Sheila for a good laugh!

A kinder gentler blog...

For the regular readers of the Bishop's Beard you may have noticed that the blog disappeared for a couple of days and was replaced by a "Bible Study/Viagra Sells" site. This was not my doing.

Blogger has graciously fixed the problem and the Bishop is back!

It was providence that brought this my way. Already I have begun to think that I simply state my opinion too often and come across very harshly in my judgements, especially against larger denominational missions agencies and pop-Christian personalities.

I think God has given me the opportunity to delete some of my past (often scathing) comments and start a fresh with a kinder, gentler blog. It isn't that God has done a work in me to remove my strong opinions, but at least I don't have to publish them all.

Not all cheese is bad...

The Cheese Sellers, French School (Art.com)

Those who know me know the distaste I have for American style pop-Christian worship. The term I like to use for this modern performance style worship is, "Cheese Whiz."

But, I have come to the conclusion that not all cheese is bad cheese. Real cheese is better than Cheese Whiz.

I was in a church recently that is very much in to the modern worship style. The preacher wears one of those headset mic things, there are too large screens displaying the action, a full band complete with two percussionists, previously video taped announcements -- the whole works. However, I noticed something this time. Instead of my normal sarcasm I found that I actually appreciated the perfection with which the program was being produced. From lighting and video to music and speakers the ques were perfect. The only flub was some jerky movements from a cameraman that apparently lost interest in the speaker.

I suppose my point is that if you are going to go with the modern style at least hire some people who know what they are doing. This church's style does not speak to me at all. But, the perfection with which they pulled it off was admirable.

The thing that I don't like about the modern style is that it removes the congregation even further from the action and definitely makes the people gathered into an audience. I felt like I was watching a show, which I was occasionally invited to participate in. Very little was demanded of me. I could just sit there in my theatre style seating and enjoy the show.

I also noticed something else. The speaker exalted Christ. Even some of the music exalted Christ. It was obvious to me that these people love Jesus.

In the end the difference between cheese and Cheese Whiz is substance. Cheese Whiz may look like cheese, smell like cheese and kind of taste like cheese, but it has no milk in it and very little (if any) nutrition. Real cheese taste better, is more valuable and has nutritional value -- just be careful because too much can cause problems.

Wrestling Diplomacy

While Bush rattles his saber and sends another warship to the Persian Gulf to "warn Iran" with "Battleship diplomacy" the US Wrestling Team is winning the hearts of Iranian wrestling fans.

3,000 fans crammed into a stadium built for 2,000 and another 3,000 fans tried to get in to see the US Wrestlers go head to head with Iran's best.

It is amazing what a wrestler can do that a politician can't.


NPR's Story on the subject. AP Photos

Hindu god manifest on butterfly's back

According to a report from Reuters News the Hindu god Krishna has appeared on the back of a butterfly in India.
Krishna has joined with the Virgin Mary, Elvis and Abraham Lincoln on a growing list of manifestations on both animate and inanimate subjects.

The Virgin Mary tops the list with appearances in thin air as well as physical manifestations on various breads, hospital windows and other objects. The "Virgin Toast" actually sold on EBay for almost $30K. Mother Teressa appeared on a cinnamon bun in Nashville at Cafe Bongo, now known as the home of the "Nun Bun". Elvis has been spotted on at least one tortilla (which admittedly was a hoax), still the faithful have witnessed his miraculous appearances. Even Abraham Lincoln has appeared in the profile of a french fry. Even Islam is not without their "Miracle Tomato of Huttersfield".

Personally I only see a butterfly. But, the faithful Hindu sees Krishna. Maybe you see it too?

The man who discovered this butterfly said that it has "increased his devotion." Another worshiper named Vilma said, "We have no option but to believe what we are seeing. But after seeing it, our devotion to the Lord has increased."

I suppose my point is that for all the "supernatural" (or lack thereof) evidence that we see the Christian hope is not in butterflies and tortillas. Our hope is not seen and our faith is not in the tangible. Scripture proclaims, "blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe." Our faith is a gift from God, and our hope is the resurrection. The promise of God is that all who believe that Jesus is the Lord, and that God has raised Him from the dead, will be saved.

If you believe in Christ's (the Messiah, God in the flesh) death, burial and Resurrection you will be saved. The faith that you have is the evidence that you possess, you need look no farther.

Quote of the Weak - Wisdom

"Getting older does not mean you are wise, it just means you are old."

- Günther Schulze, SCFS Board Member

"A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain wise counsels."
(Proverbs 1:5)

Old Man in Armchair, Unknown (17th century) Art.com

Quote of the Weak -- Compassion

"I want to send the signal to our enemy that you have aroused a compassionate and decent and mighty nation, and we're going to hunt you down."
-- President George W. Bush

"Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distress, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:21)

Listerine Kills!

Today flights were canceled, people around the world were having their hygiene products confiscated, arrest were made and a group of young English Muslims of Pakistani decent gave new meaning to the ad slogan, "Listerine Kills..."








Thanks to a moronic group of Islamic "fascists" (as W put it) seems that toothpaste, shampoo and that loved/hated mouthwash are now contraband on flights.

First the guy who tried to light his shoes, now mouthwash. Is nothing sacred?!?

The irony is that these punks were trying to terrorize the Capitalist West and bring our economic engines to a screeching halt. What they did was cause the stock prices for hygiene products to gain ground and sent hundreds of thousands of would-be squeaky clean travelers to Wal-Mart to replace their shampoo that was impounded by the TSA. Most travelers were mildly irritated, but travel again they will.

Maybe instead of banning my toothpaste our government should reconsider decades of flawed policies directed at most of the world's poorest populations. When will we get it through our heads that it is not OUR freedom that the Islamic world fears (it is our freedom that makes us vulnerable to their shoe and Listerine bombers) it is THEIR freedom that they fear. Freedom is a mixed bag of good and bad. They do not want our democratic system of government, nor do they want the decadence that accompanies it. They do not want their women to be treated like human beings. Most of all they want us to stop supporting everything that Israel (the most democratic society in the Middle East) does just because they are democratic (and that shared religious heritage Judao/Christian stuff).

I am afraid that the more the Muslim extremists try to terrorize the West the more the West will infringe upon the East. Ironically these young zealots are going to bring to their nations the thing they fear most -- more US troops to the Middle East and more Americans to the support of Israel's "fight against terrorists." Did these cave dwellers not see how many American flags were flying on the day after September 11? Terrorism does affect Americans deeply, and makes us even more resolved.

I have to admit that I have been swayed today. The more attacks we face as a nation the more patriotic I feel. The more I am hated for simply being born in America the more American I feel. I was against the war, I'm still against war. I think democracy is not such a good idea on a global scale. But, the more Muslims try to kill Westerners (and fellow Muslims as in Iraq) the more empathy I feel toward Israel and England. Sure America has done a lot of bad things in the name of democracy. Truly Israel has taken land that did not legally belong to them. Of course Great Britain made gross errors in dividing up the Middle East (which was a mess before the UK got involved). But, what makes Osama think that by terrorizing the general public of free nations we will want to run headlong back into the dark ages? For better or worse a free society may not be able to freshen up on a flight, but we refuse to ban Muslims from flights. We will not become the racist bigots and zealots that threaten us.

My message to the terrorists -- Keep it up and I'll be working for the right of Muslim women everywhere to vote. What woman would "mastermind" a plan to kill thousands of innocent people?

Thanks a lot, zealots, for taking my toothpaste away on my next international flight. May the bad breath of a hundred thousand travelers fill the nostrils of your sleep.

Quote of the Weak -- Apocalypse

"America has to support Israel. You know what they say, 'You shouldn't change horses in mid-apocalypse.'"
-- Arlene (my sister who blogs vicariously)

Quote of the Weak -- Emotions

"If I wasn't on anti-depressants, I might have teared up a little."
-- Ben Williams in response to Iz's rendition of Somewhere Over the Rainbow.

"Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distress, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:21)

Violent ambivalence

I admire Brian's blog. Generally it is lighthearted and makes me laugh. When he does have something profound to communicate, he does it in such a way that he offends no one. Brian cares deeply about some issues; if you look closely at his blog you can discern what they are. He does this in such a way that he leaves the reader to come to his own conclusions. Brian actually survives quite well in the world, and he has achieved a balance that I often envy. Brian is profoundly innocuous and he stirs people to deeper thought and action all the time, allowing them to feel that it was their idea all along.

I am what you may call "opinionated;" most people call it "obnoxious." Everyone has an opinion on just about every subject, even if their opinion is simply, "I don't care." But there are a few of us out there that are passionately opinionated. Amongst the passionately opinionated, there is a minority that are also conflicted in their opinions. Seems that I have such strong feelings on so many subjects and many times my strong feelings are conflicting. I am what is called V.A. = violently ambivalent.

V.A. can manifest itself in many ways, but generally involves the phrase, "I don't care." For example, "I don't care where we eat! Anywhere but ethnic, or fish, or burgers, or chicken; I don't care! Just pick somewhere!!!" In this situation the simple fact is I must eat and I do care where I don't eat, but I do not know where I want to eat. The longer it takes to make a decision, the more VA I can get.

Most of the time I don't know what the answers are. I may know what the problem is, but I don't know how to fix it. The result more often than not is a provocative display of VA. Why do I care about wars in the Middle East? Why do I care about Christians on TV who resemble clownish snake oil salesmen and make us all look goofy? Why do I care about man-centered mission strategies? What do I plan to do about it? I don't know, just so long as I don't have to go to battle with a missiologist in a pink wig.

Bumper Sticker of the Week - Democracy

It is interesting to me that we only seem to bring "freedom" to our enemies and not our allies (ie. Saudi Arabia, which just happens to be our second greatest ally in the Middle East and the second most oppressive government in the world).

I am convinced that those who hate America do not hate our wealth, they do not even hate freedom. They hate that our freedom and wealth has led to decadence. They also hate the hypocrisy of our support of oppressive regimes (like the Taliban or "Mujahideen" during the Cold War) around the world in our efforts to promote the "American way of life". And that is what they fear that we will bringing to their country by force.

Quote of the Weak -- Indulgences

A German illustration of a priest collecting "indulgences" on behalf of the Catholic church. An indulgence could be purchased that would bring a blessing or "guarentee salvation" of one's soul. This was just one of the issues that sparked the Protestant Reformation. The last line of the poem reads, "As soon as the coin in the coffer rings, / The soul at once into Heaven springs."

"After 1500 years you could purchase blessings from Rome. But don't be too hard on the Catholic church. Protestants have only been around for 500 years and we have TBN."

--Ross

A cup of Christ?

Icons have been used through much of Christian history to convey certain truths of Scripture. Some Icons are obviously heretical (ie. a depiction of the Trinty with three "Jesus" heads), while others may be helpful. This icon is meant to convey the "true presence of Christ" in the Eucharist.

I don't think this was what Jesus had in mind when He said , "this is my blood." Yet, it does give pause for thought.

Quote of the Weak -- Perfectionism

"Perfectionism is the enemy of good enough."
-- Russian Proverb

"Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distress, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:21)

Noah's Ark discovered....Again.

When I checked the news this morning I saw the headline, "Noah's Ark Discovered." Seems that I remember a book about this that came out in the 70's, or was it the 80's, or both?

Basically a group of guys have found a pile of wood in Iran that is about the size of a small aircraft carrier. It actually does seem logical to me that a pile of wood the size of an aircraft carrier at 13,000 feet in that part of the world would be Noah's ark. I don't doubt it. The problem is that this group of men actually believe that they are going to "prove" the existence of God.

When I look at an ant, I know God exists because I have faith. Some will not believe even with the evidence of miracles or the testimony of prophets. "Neither will they be persuaded though one rise from the dead," Jesus said.

I love apologetics and I think it is great that this group has found the Ark (or at least a very interesting pile of wood on an arid mountain). But no one will come to the Father through evidence; they will only come if the Holy Spirit draws them through Christ (the One who rose from the dead) by faith.

There was an opportunity on AOL to post your comments on the story, and I made the mistake of taking a look at those comments. One zealous Christian lady was so excited because this "evidence" would once and for all persuade all the people who do not believe in God. She wrote passionately about the God that healed her babies, and that we would all see such miracles if we could only believe and obey like she had (then of course she added, "...by the grace of God.") Very predictably the first reply to her post was, "If your god is so good why did my....?"

I think the reason why this story affected me so deeply is that I have a child and wife that have not been totally healed. Our miracles seem limited. There remains a thorn. Yet, I cannot deny the faith that God has given me. Furthermore it is through suffering that God has proven His goodness to us. It really does not matter what scientists find or don't find. I have been adopted by my Creator and nothing can separate me from His love.

Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe.

---
For a look at the most recent photos and story see the
Christian Worldview website which places the Ark in Iran.
Then you might be interested in "Noah's Ark Found: The Search is Over" Rene Nourbegen 1988
or "In Search of Noah's Ark, the greatest discovery of our time" Documentary 1976
or John Morris' and Tim LaHaye's book "The Ark On Ararat" 1976 Thomas Nelson (which was about the Ark being "found in Turkey"
or LaHaye's sequel that is sure to come "The Ark that was Left Behind"
and the powerful forthcoming book "Your Best Ark Now!"

You can judge a cover by the book.

You can find out a lot about people by the books they recommend, not necessarily the books on their shelves.

I admit that there is a limit to the knowledge you can gain about someone this way, but in general it is a fair method. A 30-something year old lady who recommends "Love You Forever" must be a mother of small children (or a sentimentalist at the very least). A man who recommends the "Gunowner's Bible" must be a gun owner (and maybe someone you should never insult). A pastor who has copies of Spurgeon and the Church Fathers may have read neither; instead ask him what he recommends if you really want to know where he is coming from.

I finally updated and repaired the links to my book recommendations on the IOI website Resources and Links. My wife observed that I am definitely "all over the map." It was not the subjects that seemed disconnected as I recommended books about discipleship, missions, ministry, travel (particularly Ethiopia) and theology. It was the variety of authors that seems a bit, how shall I say it -- ecumenical. Baptist, Lutheran, Catholic, Presbyterian, Evangelical Free and Puritan books are among those recommended. Some might think it strange to recommend Barth, Chesterton and Edwards on the same page, but what I am looking for is the gold that each man mined rather than fitting into a particular camp. We are, after all, the Body of Christ and there are many members each with particular gifts and needs.

I love to tell people that I go to Christ Community Church, and then have them ask me what denomination we are. What they want is a label so they can understand where I am coming from. So, instead of saying we are "non-denominational" (which is a label with its own definition), I say, "We are a missions-minded community of people that are trying hard to love God and each other that grew from a former Methodist Bible church that is elder led and similar to Anglican Catholicism in liturgy with a reformed Baptist theology (that depends more on the Church Fathers than the reformers), charismatic worship and an Irish pub band that sings ancient hymns along with modern praise songs." But I guess you could have figured that out by looking at my book recommendations.

Quote of the Weak - Simplicity

"Seek simplicity -- and distrust it."
-- Alfred North Whitehead

Quote of the Weak -- Disagreement

"At one point I had to explain how I differed on a certain point from both Catholics and Fundamentalists: I hope I shall not for this forfeit the goodwill or the prayers of either. Nor do I much fear it." -- C.S. Lewis

"Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distress, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:21)