Our fears for the baby were confirmed last night as the heartbeat had stopped and signs of imminent miscarriage were confirmed by the doctor at the ER.
For all that I think I do know about God there is so much more I don't know. I really don't understand why so many things happen, but I have to trust that God is good and He does good to those that love Him and are called according to His purposes. I have been told that it is foolish to look for purpose or try to figure out the reason for every thing that happens in our lives. Personally, I think it is foolish not to look for the hand of God in even the smallest things of life and if there is no purpose to tragedy then there is no purpose for anything. It can be foolish to jump to conclusions, but it can never be foolish to seek God.
As we waited for the doctor a lab tech came in to draw Lana's blood. I mentioned that I would not watch the process as it makes me a bit weak in the knees. To salvage my manhood, I mentioned that I had assisted doctors in Honduras, but that it was just different when it came to my wife and kids. The tech agreed, and then we talked more about Honduras and missions. As the conversation progressed she shared her concern for her unbelieving relatives. Her deep concern was evident through the tears that welled in her eyes. There is so much pain in the world. We prayed together for her nephew and nieces to receive faith and be led to repentance. "God certainly knows what He is doing," she said. "I'm glad He brought you here tonight."
Later in the night Walt and Craig came to the hospital to share their concern and pray for us. In the middle of pain and sorrow God had brought spiritual family together to comfort each other. Some are in the process of giving; some are in the process of receiving. Some of us have known each other for years, others we just met in passing. Together one day we will be before our LORD and proclaim together, "Blessed be the name of the LORD!"
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2 comments:
Patrick,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I am also very encouraged by what you ahve written here. Amen. Our prayers are with oyu.
Ray
Patrick,
I too am so sorry to hear of what you've been through. I can think of nothing more devastating than that moment in time when the sound of an unborn heartbeat can no longer be found.
Lynn and I have lost three children to miscarriage; two while we were in Jackson and one after we had moved to Columbus. After finding the potential problem and surgically correcting it, we again began to hope for a family...until Lynn was diagnosed with breast cancer 5 months later. Now, 5 years later she is in remission, her reproductive system unharmed, and we are beginning the journey again with a reproductive endocrinologist.
Through all of these events, as you can imagine, there were many "why's" as we tried to make sense of God allowing these things to happen.
We always came away firmly belieiving that God is good, madly in love with us, righteous, and just and whatever the reasons have been for the events of our life, we can rest in the consistency of God's nature.
Our hearts are with you.
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